Talking is Hard

I swallow 40 milligrams of fluoxetine

alongside my vitamins, every morning

to keep from disappearing,

though I’ve never explicitly thought

of killing myself.

 

I don’t want to die.

 

But sometimes I don’t eat and now

I stand naked on the scale, unable

to see the numbers climbing,

 

I know.

 

my mother worries when she hears me crying,

into the telephone, a three hour drive to her arms.

 

Talking is hard and my family’s no good with secrets

So Grandma ends every message,

“Always remember that I love you.”

 

1 in 10 people develop depression in their lifetime.

But I never believed it until

a boy in my class took a gun to his head

five months before graduation.

 

They said no one saw it coming

but I’m pretty sure that’s a lie.

 

We’re not as mysterious as we think we are.


“Talking is Hard” was first published by Nude Bruce Review in July 2016.

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