I swallow 40 milligrams of fluoxetine
alongside my vitamins, every morning
to keep from disappearing,
though I’ve never explicitly thought
of killing myself.
I don’t want to die.
But sometimes I don’t eat and now
I stand naked on the scale, unable
to see the numbers climbing,
my mother worries when she hears me crying,
into the telephone, a three hour drive to her arms.
Talking is hard and my family’s no good with secrets
So Grandma ends every message,
“Always remember that I love you.”
1 in 10 people develop depression in their lifetime.
But I never believed it until
a boy in my class took a gun to his head
five months before graduation.
They said no one saw it coming
but I’m pretty sure that’s a lie.
We’re not as mysterious as we think we are.
“Talking is Hard” was first published by Nude Bruce Review in July 2016.